So here we are again, nearing the day of love. Tempting as it would be to write a predictable blah blah account about card manufacturers making profit over the guilt men feel at not loving us enough, I’m not going down that road. It’s us women that make V day so awful at times and we need to start taking responsibility for it.
Statistically Valentines Day is one of the most high risk days of the year for relationships to end. Much like Christmas and landmark birthdays, apparently we evaluate our lives/relationship and make harsh judgements on the latter. Maybe men sense this, sense that suddenly for one day a year you can actually put a price on love and that price needs to tip the heart shaped abacus in his favour if he wants to enjoy what he has for a bit longer.
My worst valentine addicts are the singles. There’s those that make a huge Facebook statement of how they will be alone again this year, prompting their girlfriend fan club to be outraged at the injustice, showering said bereft friend with compliments like roses at the end of a play and deep assurances that she doesn’t need a man.
You also get the angry single girls that will crank out overly bitter statements about v day being a load of shit and how they’ll be having an anti valentines meet up down the local. I have visions of all these (slightly unattractive) women that have been left on the shelf meeting up, drinking bourbon and telling stories of loves lost before all doing a perfectly synchronised version of Beyoncé’s ‘single ladies’ dance at a local night spot when the clock strikes twelve.
Notice I only mention single girls here; single men don’t give a shit about the day. For the single ones it’s a brilliant opportunity to get a shag just from sending a 99p card, taking advantage of the female lack of sanity on 14th. It’s the one day a year that men take the intelligence mantel from us. Also boys, If you go out, all the girls out that night are 100% single and 100% up for it; they will assume the same for you so if you’re married/attached and the other half is out of town it’s the best night to play.
There is always the b1tch whose boyfriend gets it just right and not only does he get it right, she’ll tell the whole world about how he’s surpassed all romantic expectation. Those two dozen roses, tickets to New York, expensive underwear and love messages will be posted and tagged all over Facebook. ‘I love you baby’ ‘I love you more’ blah blah.. Never has the ‘you hang up first’ conversation been so public. Keeping up with the Joneses by who loves their wife more is new depths of competition.
V day should just be taken for what it is intended – a day to remind someone that they are loved. As a kid I remember how happy my mum was when my dad gave her a card and some flowers; and how I used to adore Mr Valentine knocking at my door and leaving me a card, Beano and walnut whip from ‘?’.
Enjoy it, love it, hate it or ignore it. The V is coming for you.