Now boys, in my time here on this earth I have learned that very few of you know how to package yourself up and sell yourself as an attractive option to ladies online. Even the beautiful can fall foul of dating faux pas. Have a look below and take my advice to get yourself some summer action. I
1. If you send her an email, and don’t get a response, move on.
Yes, she received your email. No, there wasn’t a momentary glitch in the system that kept your email from reaching its recipient. She didn’t respond because she thinks you’re too ugly/too short/has shagged you before and it was shit. Constant mailing makes you look desperate and a DnB (delete and block) will happen.
2. Don’t send winks, flirts or gifts.
Women hate these. When you do it, you’re basically saying, “I’m too cheap to pay the subscription fee, so I’ll just send a wink to let her know I’m interested.” Either that, or you’re saying, “I’m not clever enough to think of an opener’. As for those shit gifts, we just think you’re a douschbag for paying for an online rose.
3. Photos are a must – the right photos. Women are just as shallow as you. If you’re ugly I won’t contact you. Always include more than one picture of different profiles and remember, sunglasses hide googly eyes so be open. No need to pose shirtless next to your new Mercedes as that just makes us think you’re a wanker. Also, if you just have your cock on there remember women will not meet you purely on the basis of that – we actually like to see the face attached. Last thought on this is we always look at the background of picture so tidy your shit flat first and wear decent pants.
4. Don’t reveal every flaw in your profile. We don’t want to know if you’re damaged, insecure and desperate as we don’t want to nurse you back to dating health. We want a real man.
5. Use your profile space wisely. Actually bother to write something rather than just saying ‘if you want to know more just ask
6. Bide your time to talk dirty. Don’t rush straight in with the ‘is your pussy wet for me’ if you’ve never spoken to her before. She’s probably at work and tucking into a cheese sandwich so won’t respond well. Pretend you’re interested in her job/fears and then slide in the filth.
7. Kids. I’ll be honest, single women are less keen on men with kids as firstly it means you are forever tied to your ex and secondly you can’t be as flexible as we can. However we respect a good dad, just don’t parp on about them ALL the time.
8. Women need an ego massage. We want to be complimented. Keep you ‘You sound like you have an interesting job’ we want to be told we have beautiful eyes, toned legs etc. the other stuff can come later.
9. Don’t lie (much). So everyone lies a bit but do not lie about things that will be obvious if you ever meet. If you are 5 foot 7 do not say you are over 6 foot. If you are 40 do not use a profile picture from your late 20s. Some men seem to think ‘ahhh I will make her like me then the truth won’t matter’. IT DOES MATTER as no girl wants to shag an old midget
10. Respect her parameters. If you don’t match the specifications she lists in her profile, don’t contact her. Some men have the ‘if I throw enough shit at the wall, eventually it will stick’ philosophy’. No it won’t. If you are fat, 57 and unemployed changes are that 20 something beauty who wants to meet a male equivalent is not going to turn round and say ‘You know what you’re right I actually do fancy fat grandads’.
11. Don’t always be online. This screams either ‘desperate’ or ‘player’. Either is really not attractive.
12. Women are all different. Don’t copy and paste the same response to all girls about what your first date would be. Some women just want to meet for fun and rudery. We don’t all sit sketching pictures of our wedding dresses and dreaming about when our prince will come. Many of us just want a prince to cum so don’t waste time on all that hearts and flowers shit if she just wants an NSA liaison. On the reverse of this, don’t send a porno paragraph cut straight from readers wives to some small town virgin. It might damage her for life!